What You Will Learn About Reading: From Victim to Victor!
To love one’s self means that you accept personal responsibility for you choices and allow yourself personal freedoms. … Among them are the rights to feel your true emotions and sensations:
P. 3
Until you learn to accept yourself and your own humanity and function as a human being with all of your follies and foibles, your talents and abilities, your emotions and convictions you will never be complete. No religion, no group, no dogma, no philosophy, no person, no book will ever complete you. Any of these can only take you part of the way. Use what you find worthwhile and go on. The journey is a personal journey and it is yours to take.
Without a positive inner relationship there can be no positive outer relationship. The mirror of your inner self is your environment.
P. 3
Some of the questions answered are: What Does it Mean to be Intimate? What Constitutes Intimate Behavior? What’s Love Got to Do with It? How do Family Behavioral Patterns Affect Us?
The depth of your ability to feel can be seen in the ways that you communicate and share meaningful experiences in your life.
P. 33
How is the American Society a Don’t Feel, Don’t Think, Don’t Be Society? What are the Social Institutions that we Rely on Which Keep us from Relating in a Loving Manner to Ourself and Others? How do we Objectify Ourselves and Others and Take on a Victim’s Consciousness?
… (Y)our rights end where another’s rights begin.
P. 45
When you project your problems to those outside you are relinquishing the responsibility for your choices and your life in order to save your vanity. It is not you but “them;” “they” have the unethical desires; “they” are the ones doing “things to you; “they” are keeping you from the good things that are supposed to happen in your life. When you begin thinking like this, you’ve become a victim.
Being a victim causes you to repress deeply into your unconscious positive feelings of self-worth and empathetic concern for others. When repressing these feelings you push aside your needs for affection and thoughtfulness.
P. 23
How does a Victim’s Consciousness Evolve? How can Physical Intimacy be a Mark for non-Loving behavior? How and Where do we Learn to Become a Victim? What Behaviors Constitute Personal Self-Defense?
Once you have adapted to a situation you will generally stay in it. It is not until you have finally figured out that you are miserable because you put yourself there that you will do something about it.
P. 13
The unconscious indicator of who is the cause of the problems in your life is the word “I.” Listen to yourself. When you are saying, “Why do I …” or “Why am I … or “…happens to me” you are telling yourself who the problem in your life is. Unconsciously you realize that it is you who makes the choices in your life and it is you who acts upon those choices.
You can express life only as much as your experience allows. Anything that is outside of that experience is either disregarded, manipulated to fit in, or rejected as objectionable or untrue.
P. 29
What does Don’t Feel, Don’t Think, Don’t Be mean? What Basic Behaviors can be Associated with Don’t Feel, Don’t Think, and Don’t Be Programming?
Your general sense of self-worth is given to you from the value that your parents have placed on you. … This evaluation motivates a good amount of your behavior.
P. 33
Don’t Feel! and Don’t Think! naturally flow into Don’t Be! Being is a primary aspect of all living things. All things that are, are. They recognize and honor themselves for that which they are and respect themselves for what they can be.
Pursuit of objectives removes you from the prime directive: “Know Thyself.”
P. 63
What are the Social Influences which Affect your Emotional Development? How do Your Goals Motivate You? How Important is Approval? What does Society Contribute to the Victims Consciousness?
No matter how old you are you are still following parental programming and you pass this programming on to your offspring.
P. 81
An important aspect of learning is the reward received for a behavior. Without it there is little actual learning. The basic law of Behavioristic Psychology is: Whatever behavior is rewarded, you will get more of.
Looking at how you are being rewarded for your behaviors begins to take you outside of the behavioral pattern so you can look down on the behaviors and get a new perspective of them. With a new perspective you can take control.
P. 210
An intimate relationship is one in which both persons are able to open up to each other and share both positive and negative feelings, and are able to reveal who they really are — as far as they understand themselves to be.
P. 140
Why do we Play Relationship Games? What are the Strategies and Goals of Games? What are the Types of Games we Play?
Life ain’t so bad and it is actually a lot more fun challenging your problem behaviors than sitting back wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying, and planning, and dreaming of things you are never going to do. Without risking getting out of the boring behavioral pattern; getting out of that rut, how are you ever going to know what you are capable of doing or accomplishing?
… (I)f you really want to make changes in your life you need to begin by paying attention to your internal dialogue.
P. 162
How does Bureaucracy Help to Promote the Victim’s Consciousness? How is Bureaucracy Dysfunctional? Why is Red Tape a Problem?
You are unique and when you feel compelled to conform for any reason there is a feeling, as slight as it may be, of a loss of some portion of your individuality.
P. 100
The goals of the organization do not deal with your personal needs or goals. Organizational goals are for the good of the organization. The name of the game is profit.
You have to accept yourself as you are before you can be successful as you …
How does the Self-Concept Develop and How is it Constructed? How are Personal Beliefs Related to the Self-Concept? How does a Victim’s Consciousness Affect the Self-Concept? What are some of the Unrealistic Beliefs which Affect You? How can You Begin to Dissolve the Victim’s Consciousness? What is the Victim’s Life-style?
Being a responsible individual means that you can no longer blame your parents and how you were raised or the society and its institutions and organizations for your psychological problems or where your life is going. You are choosing your life’s experiences every moment of every day.
In a society where everything is instant, everyone is in a hurry. They are in a hurry to develop relationships with people they do not know, to marry or cohabit too quickly in order to protect themselves from the non-intimate ogre, and to get to know and rely on others before they have any idea who they are.
P. 159
How do Relationships Begin? What Standards do each of us have for Our Relationships? What can you do to keep Relationships Alive? What Types of Relationships are there? What are the Enemies of a Relationship?
People change and so do relationships. As relationships change it is necessary that the people involved also change. With change comes the possibility of adjustment and with adjustment comes harmony and a living, growing relationship.
P. 147
How does Sex Contribute to a Victim’s Consciousness? How is Intimate Behavior Learned? What Problems are there with Intimacy? Who are the Most Blatant Sexual Victims?
Sex is not necessary for basic survival. It is just one of life’s little pleasures. It can make a relationship much more enjoyable. It can open up lines of communication between people who are already deeply caring for each other.
… Jealousy is NOT a sign of love but of possession. The jealous individual is saying, “I own you and no one else can have you.” Jealousy in a partner indicates an immature, insecure, insincere personality coupled with a weak ego structure and a fear of abandonment. … (J)ealousy IS psychological abuse.
P. 176
What are the Forms that Addiction Takes? What Can You do to Give up an Addiction?
In order to achieve a state of freedom from a bad habit it needs to be on your terms.
P. 211
True, researchers have found a gene that seems to have something to do with addictive behaviors. The fact is that what actually is inherited are not addictive behaviors but a predisposition toward particular behavioral activities. What it is that turns the predisposition into addictive behaviors are environmental circumstances: more specifically, your interpretation of those environmental circumstances.
Why do You have Problems when it Comes to Changes in Your Life? What are the Barriers to Change? How can You Understand the Process of Choice?
Love is not a thing. It is an experience. It is what you do, not what you say or give. To be able to love you must have had the experience of love.
P. 240
You have the ability to make choices. You can decide that your behavioral repertoire is limited and that your freedom of choice is restricted and do something about it; or you can choose to stay the same, afraid of changing, unhappy with your station in life and unconsciously knowing you have problems.
If you want to make a difference in your life and not remain a victim you need three things: 1) an achievable set of goals; 2) constructive use of your leisure time; and 3) to love and be loved in return.
P. 235
What can You do to have a Better Future? What can you do to Make Life Worth Living? What Emotions Block Change? What can you do to Assist in Your Own Personal Change? How can you Develop a Strategy for Change? How can Your Ability to Focus be Enhanced?
You cannot possibly change the past. All you can do is use the past as a learning experience to help you in making decisions and goal planning for the present.
P. 248
Freedom means responsibility. With every choice you must accept the responsibility for that choice. You need to accept the fact that wherever you are, whatever choice you make, you are totally responsible for it. That responsibility is first to yourself then to everyone else who may be implicated. A truly free choice does not involve interfering with another’s life in any way nor does it involve being attached to any philosophy or group. Whenever another is purposely or inadvertently hurt by your choice it is an egocentric choice.
There is no such thing as failure, and mistakes are only learning experiences.
P. 245
From Victim to Victor! Defeating a Victim’s Consciousness is your personal workbook for the change you want to make in your life. Its main focus is internal change. To understand yourself is the beginning not only of change but of Wisdom. Start today to have a more free and dynamic life.
Be careful! You just may find things out about yourself that you really like!
